Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

What's under our winter woollies then?

THE weather has been teasing us with sunshine and we're all waiting for the spring.

We'll all be getting ready to emerge from our shapeless baggy jumpers and thick woolly tights, as beautiful healthy examples of the human race.

And to all intents and purposes our menfolk could be forgiven for thinking we've been perfect all winter long underneath our hats, scarves and Ugg boots.

Well, the aim is to fool the boys - so we take stock in front of the dreaded full-length mirror. Hmmm... looking a bit pasty are we? Especially those milk-bottle legs. Better get a spray tan or some tinted body lotion to slap on after we've shaved the stray hairs off.

I love the way a tan makes us look slimmer, not three dress sizes unfortunately, so while we're at it we'd better lose a few pounds before summer or the cossie won't fit.

It doesn't matter what your age, if you are female you will soon be packing up your winter clothes and fishing out your summer wardrobe. Cool cotton tops, floaty skirts, T-shirts and cropped pants.

And while we're at it, out go the boots and in come the sandals. While trying on last summer's flip flops you notice the thick, hard skin on your heels and vow to put it right, followed by some nifty toenail painting, before anyone gets to see your feet.

So we spend all that time and money in readiness for the spring and does anyone notice? Not in my experience!

The only time the Grump noticed my efforts to make myself beautiful was back in the 80s when we went for a romantic weekend for our wedding anniversary.

Having recently been to a Pippa Dee party (or was it Anne Summers?) I had bought a snazzy little babydoll number especially for the occasion.

It was baby blue with a little battery pack hidden inside the knickers to operate the flashing glow-in-the-dark stars scattered all over it -  and I thought it was amazing.

I called out from the en-suite: "switch off the lights, I've got a surprise for you".  

I made my entrance and he was surprised all right. He fell about laughing saying: "Whatever are you wearing? You look like a *!?*+*!* Christmas tree!"

Luckly I saw the funny side and were still married.